(25) Resolutions

My eyes are barely open, my face is paled, my hair is a complete rat’s nest, and I have the headache of the century as I stumble to the pantry to pick up a box of Captain Crunch. As I peek inside the box, noticing it is empty and nobody had the decency to throw it away, I suddenly hear various voices coming in my direction from the living room.
“Daria, sweet hair!” I look up to see a blurry version of Lawrence Nelson laughing at me as he stuffs some chips in his mouth. A bunch of other senior guys start laughing as they make their way into the hall and out the front door. Not awake enough to care, I start to search for another cereal option.

“Thanks, Livy, for telling me you’re having people over at the crack of dawn.

“It’s on the refrigerator, Daria, three o’clock Physics Lab meeting. If you can’t read the notepad it’s not my problem, and three o’clock in the afternoon is not exactly sunrise, Daria.”

I look wearily at the clock and realize that she is right. All of the loud music, talking, and laughing from Josh’s New Year’s Eve party has left me completely exhausted the next day. I stuff the box of Special K back into the cupboard and head back upstairs still in a daze. It’s pointless to have breakfast so late in the afternoon but I am not yet ready for lunch. I realize sleeping in so late really messes up one’s eating schedule.

In my room, I sit on my bed and try to get myself together. Blinking a couple of times I finally have my vision back. Having nothing really to do on the idle date of New Years Day, I grab my journal from out under my bed. Since it’s the New Year, the typical thing to do is to reflect on the past year and make New Year’s resolutions. I decided a long time ago that making New Year’s resolutions only stresses me out and drains my self-esteem because in the end I always end up breaking these newly inspired goals. I decide that looking back on the year won’t hurt me though, so I begin flipping pages, reliving the summer.
I immediately am brought back to the events of the past few months and I am astounded at how much has actually occurred in such a small amount of time. I scan pages about the silly obsession I have had over Jeff Waters all starting from an interesting game of ping-pong.

I realize that the changes I have made in the relationships with my family are astonishing. My dad and I in the very beginning of the summer went out just the two of us one night to a restaurant from his past called Sidetracks and my mother and I just a couple of weeks ago had actually hung Christmas lights together in the freezing cold of December. Olivia and I have also surprisingly grown much closer mainly from the magical night on top of our Jeep Wrangler where I held her as she cried about being dumped by the guy, everyone including me, thought she would marry.

The exciting night of Fourth of July on Charissa’s boat plays through my mind as well, where there were fireworks, and not just in the endless star-studded sky. I am also brought back to the week I had spent with all of my girl friends at Britney’s house in Martha’s Vineyard after countless planning, and how I had learned during that trip about making the right clothing choices as well as who my real friends are. I also instantly remember the countless time and emotion I have wasted on the new girl Heather just because I wasn’t exactly keen on having her moved into my personal circle of friends.

On a more sensitive note, I have also grown closer to my grandmother in Massachusetts just to find out from my mother recently that she is now close to dying of cancer, and I realize now that it is more important than ever to hold onto the memories and time spent with those you love. I think about how amazing it is what reading journal entries from your past can do for a person. Everything seems so much clearer now. I recognize how my focus needs to be on school, my family, and my desires about life, not just petty high school crushes and melodramas. I need to not worry so much about what girls like Heather think, but to concentrate on what I think of myself.

I grab a pencil off my desk and I am about to flip to a blank page to begin to write about Christmas vacation when I come across an entry I had written about a realization during field hockey practice. I stop and begin to read about that afternoon when I had been inspired to make hockey goals but more importantly goals for my life. “I can’t mess up this time, I am going to have to learn responsibility and with that, I need to learn how to make goals.” I read out loud and think again about the importance of this inspiration. Turning to a blank page I start making a list of New Year’s Resolutions, sure it’s so cliché but I definitely need to take the opportunity. I bite the cap off my favorite roller ball and begin to write furiously…This 2nd day of January 2001, I Make a resolution to keep the resolutions I make…. Well, hopefully.